Finding Respite

Finding help so that I get time away, at first, was a tricky issue.  It still can be, in fact.  My first attempt at hiring someone to come into my home to watch my mom did not go well.  I went through a hospice agency and they were just not the right fit.  I had leads on a couple of CNAs that fell through as well.  Finally, I hired someone who would just come and spend time with my mom. She has no training and is not required to do anything like helping with the toilet or giving baths, but she is a sweet, loving woman who comes to spend time with my mom so that I can run errands, go to the park, or just get my morning shower.  As an added bonus, she loves my 3 year old, as well, and she will sometimes watch him, too.  She has been a great addition to our schedule.

For longer term respite, we found a facility that will take "respite patients" into their facility along with their full time patients. I've been very happy with this arrangement; it is what has allowed me to vacation with my family on occasion.  The first time we took my mom there, she was miserable because she thought she was being left forever.  I didn't use the facility again for a year. By the second stay, my mom had declined enough that it didn't really upset her. She just kind of does whatever she's told. If she were capable of processing the thought, I would say she was resigned to the life she has now.  She never seems very happy nor does she seem very sad.  She just exists.

I am not good at taking time for myself, but when I do, I feel the difference that it makes. I am a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter--a better me.Yesterday I used the time to play a game with my youngest and then met my high schooler for lunch and helped him study for a math test.

Besides giving me time, I also feel relief that someone is simply spending time with my mom that is focused on her. I am pulled in so many different directions that I often worry about my mom's quality of life.  This helps me to feel like I haven't just "planted" my mom in a place and left her too long. Yesterday I used the time to play a game with my youngest and then met my high schooler for lunch and helped him study for a math test.