Incontinence Part 1: Talking about It

It's an issue no one really wants to talk about. Certainly, no one wishes their loved one to face incontinence issues and no one wants to deal with them.  In fact, I'm guessing that most people who dare click on this post are those who are facing the daunting task of dealing with the caretaker side of incontinence and all the appendages that go with it. And to you people who are there, you don't hesitate reading this at all because quite honestly, as my mother lost her ability to "stay dry", my job grew significantly, and I welcomed tips and suggestions on how to deal with things.

First of all, if my mom weren't suffering from Alzheimer's, I am guessing that this would be a different conversation. If her brain were working, it would not have been left to me to explain that she had a problem that needed to be dealt with. The road to incontinence, in our case, was gradual.  The first issue was that she was not cleaning herself well after going to the bathroom.  How in the world do you say, "Mom, I think you aren't wiping adequately?" and worse yet saying, "Mom, do you need help?" Aaauugghh!!! That was awkward and didn't go well. She was indignant and declared she was capable of taking care of things herself. And I didn't push it because quite honestly, it was not something I wanted to be doing either.  I re-think how that could have been handled better and I still don't know how I could of done it differently.  We continued in status-quo, and I would just sometimes pull her aside and tell her that I could smell something then she would, occasionally, let me help her change.  She didn't need briefs (Depends) at this point at least not often. Only on a rare occasion would she have an accident.

We then had a unexpected shift. My mom had a seizure, the first seizure she's had in her life.  The seizure was bad enough to put her in a hospital and then into a rest home for 6 weeks.  While she was there, she was kept in briefs and was assisted with "toileting".  When I brought her home, we just maintained the routine that had been established. She was relearning to walk, so I had to help her anyway.  That was almost 2 years ago. Although our routine was established at that point, she still, often, expresses dismay that I am helping her with such a private issue.